jaklumen’s Neighborhood

It's back to work for this gal today.  Vacation was half out of this world and half a bust.  During my second week I ignored obligations, laundry and grocery-buying. I caught a cold and did a lot of sitting on my ass.

Mondays are no fun.  I am partially looking forward to going back to work.  Scratch that.  I'm heading right back into busy season and it will be mid April before I can see straight again.  I know I have no right to feel this way, but I hate that I'm heading back to work today while someone else who makes my life a lot easier is on vacation this week.  I absolutely refuse to begrudge them of their vacation time, but on a purely selfish level I know it will make it a tough week for me.  No worries, though, this gal can power through on her own, the long days are only a little more difficult than usual.

I was sad to read yesterday that Brittany Murphy died.  I want to know why it is that in all of the articles I've read they all end with Ashton Kutcher's insincere Twitter post about it?  I don't get it.  He uses things like "2day" in it.  Not only does it seem inappropriate for Kutcher, but why on earth is it being quoted by the AP and NPR???  Anyway, back to the matter at hand, Murphy was hilarious in Clueless, but she really shined as Luanne on King of the Hill. 

Squirrelio's Golden Apple Grabbin'  and hot doggin' needed a stoppin' so Pig invited Cow and Precious Pig to The Corn Dog Show Down.

And just like Pig knew she would, Squirrelio went for the take down.

But no matter how she tried and tried, Squirrelio couldn't make the pull down.

And no matter how she shook and shook, Squirrelio couldn't make the shake down.

So giving into last resorts, Squirrelio settled for the bite down.

It wasn't long before Squirrelio made the break down.

And longer less before Squirrelio did the smack down.

Then came back again for the run down.

So that she could perfect the stare down.

Until satisfied of staring and long past caring...

Squirrelio finally did the sit down.

Looks like my Miss Mira is having the same weekend as me. 

Yesterday's brush with depression has passed and now I only feel lousy physically.  I'll take it!  I wrote yesterday's sad Christmas post shortly after waking from a very depressing dream that really threw off my mood for most of the day.  I had dreamed that I went in for my annual lady exam and instead of the usual Pap they waved some device around my fun parts and the doctor looked at me with sad eyes and said, "this is the hardest part of my job, you have a malignant tumor".  At first I was all irritated and insisted that a Pap only looks at the cells on my cervix, and wouldn't know if I had a tumor, but apparently their newfangled device could see beyond what a Pap covers.  Oh lovely.  So I laid on the table and a nurse came in with a box of brochures on cancer and dropped them on my chest and said, "you need to read all of these!".  I was more pissed that people wouldn't talk to me about my next step but instead were forcing me to read fucking brochures.  I went back to the doctor and insisted they send my blood to a "special" lab where they could confirm the diagnosis because it seemed like a fluke.  Anyway, I was still coping with the diagnosis when I woke up...and despite the fact I realized it was a dream, it still had me putting stuff in perspective and had me thinking about what I really wanted out of life.  Not exactly a fun way to start the day.

I've been battling this lousy cold.  Thank the geeze for the Mucinex and spiced wine, it really cures anything.  Of course, I slept beyond my next dosage of Mucinex this morning and have felt dizzy ever since waking up.  At least this morning I was dreaming about curling up on someone's couch with a blanket while feeling lousy.  Oh, and there were puppies.  There was some sort of dog show going on in the room and there were poodles for cuddling (you know, cute poodles that don't have that stupid poodle haircut).  It was really quite wonderful even though I was sick.  There was a Christmas tree in the corner with little plush monkey ornaments that some of the puppies were trying to get at.  There were doberman and German Shepherd puppies playing and it was adorable beyond belief.  You can tell I'm pushing 30 now that I'm starting to have puppy aches.

Last night I had a Christmas miracle of sorts when I had Chinese delivered.  Yeah, that was the miracle.  Still haven't been to the store, but someone brought me a spicy dinner while I was sick, how great is that?  I rounded out the evening with a little Back to School.  A Rodney Dangerfield movie is the way to go when you're feeling down in the dumps (note to Mariser: keep that in mind the next time you think about watching something awful like Leaving Las Vegas). 

I didn't realize how many Star Trek connections there were to Back to School - I had only remembered one.  There were a few bit part actors as well - I think Rodney Dangerfield's wife played a Romulan senator once.  Robert Picardo, otherwise known as The Doctor on Voyager, played the guy who was sucking face with Dangerfield's wife at their anniversary party.  He was wearing leather hammer pants, it was awesome.  Sally Kellerman, the one I remembered, was in the second Original Series pilot, Where No Man Has Gone Before, as Dr. Elizabeth Dehner.  She's also has this voice you'd recognize anywhere, I think the thing I knew her best for were those Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing commercials.  She's probably the reason I love ranch dressing so much.  I could let her voice tell me to do anything.  Terry Farrell, the bland but beautiful Dax from Deep Space 9 played the son's love interest, Valerie Desmond.  Oh my god, did they not make tweezers until the 90's???  I wish I could find a picture online, but it looked like both of her eyebrows were engaged in some sort of bizzare mating ritual with each other.  Oh, and last but not least was the unseen Dan Curry.  You probably don't know who Danny Curry is, but he designed the opening titles for Back to School.  He's probably best known for his extensive work on various Star Trek projects as a visual effects supervisor and a second unit director.  There is an awesome special about him on the TNG season 6 dvds where he demonstrates some of the Klingon fighting moves that HE choreographed.  Dude, the man is totally at ease with a Bat'leth, it's so cool.

The plot of Back to School leaves a little to be desired, but who cares?  My favorite bit?  Kurt Vonnegut.

 

Not really.  It's tough, year after year, not ever spending the holidays with the people I'd really rather be with.  I can completely sympathize with the grinchy attitude that has pervaded the neighborhood this year.  I feel it every year.  Oh, I can put on the best Christmas record in the world, The Carpenter's Christmas Portrait, and listen to Karen's golden voice start singing, "Frosted window panes..." but it only makes me sad and I usually end up crying a little to myself.  For a long time I wondered if Christmas had just lost it's magic because I was an adult but I know it's because I'm never with my mom's side of the family. 

Mr. Val and I traveled home for Christmas back in 2001 but that was the last time I got to spend the holidays with the fam, and that was a nightmare year.  That was the year Mr. Val and I were supposed to land in Moline at 9:30 in the morning and instead, after a day of delays and reroutings we ended up in Cedar Rapids around 9:30 in the evening and had to take a damn taxi all the way to Moline.  On top of that, Mr. Val picked up a cold at the airport.  By the end of our three day visit my mother and I were barely on speaking terms.  It was a very stressful trip.  We sort of decided then and there that my visits home would be during more relaxing times of the year so no one would get killed.  But I really want to break that promise.  I still hate flying in winter.  The last time I was home in December was for my grandfather's funeral a few years ago, and while my sister and I did up Christmas together (which was WONDERFUL), the flight home was the worst I've ever been on.  It just sucks to travel this time of year.  But it would really be worth it if it meant seeing my mom's family at Christmas again.

I miss my sister.  I miss that I now have a niece experiencing the most magical Christmases of her life.  I miss making Christmas goodies with people I love.  I miss decorating the tree with only my mom and sister while we sing Christmas carols.  I miss my mom letting me sip Bailey's on Christmas Eve (not that she really has to "let" me now and not that I would ever choose to drink that nasty shit, but it's tradition, ya know?).  I miss my mom forcing us to state our belief in Santa Claus before distributing gifts on Christmas Eve.  I miss peeling shrimp in the kitchen together (and there was that one year she got raw shrimp instead of cooked and I didn't give it any thought before sneaking a piece - barf!).  I miss being one of 15 cousins running around my grandmother's house, sticking olives on my fingertips and having burping contests (I know we're all adults now, but that really hasn't stopped anyone, I'm sure of that).  I miss the perfect moment of silence when our gigantic family (we're talking around 50 people at this point) is able to gather together for a prayer before hitting the world's most awesome buffet line.  I miss Aunt Theresa's oyster casserole.  I miss Aunt Mary's taco salad.  I miss my mom's scalloped corn.  I miss the company of my chaotic and beautiful family.  I miss Christmas.

What would a post like this be without the saddest Christmas song ever?  Let Karen break your heart and have a listen.

No...we don't live at the zoo anymore...

We wanna go to the movies....

Had a fun night out with the gals but it's nearly an hour drive and it's always a sober affair.  And that's ok, we have a lot of fun just chit chatting, it just eats up five hours to only get to hang for three.  Ah well, it had been far to long since our last gathering and it was good to catch up.

I caught the Phantom's home game on the radio on the ride home.  I hit the Northway at the beginning of the third period and boy did it suck for us.  It was 2-0 Hamilton when I tuned in and it wasn't long before the Bulldogs scored a third point.  Then - unbelievably - within 20 seconds of the third point the puck bounced off of one of the Adirondack defensemen's skates and right in the net for a very shitty goal.  They ended up losing 4-0 in the end.

Because I haven't followed the team all season I didn't realize this was like their fourth shutout.  They have a record-low in the AHL for number of goals this season.  They're only at 60-something and 10 of those were against the Penguins last weekend (I saw six of 'em on Saturday!).  Sigh.  I was born a Cubs fan and I'll die a Cubs fan.  I swear, they infect any sport I show interest in.  Maybe I just need to go to more games.  Since they won so big at my first game, I should be their good luck charm.

People will say Axial Tilt [Saturn/Mithras/Jesus/Santa] is the Reason for the Season.

One thing is certain, and eternal; in the northern hemisphere, these are dark days with little sunlight. Celebrating the waning of the year by lighting strings of lights and candles, decorating with shiny objects, spending time with people close to you, and eating special rich foods is something to cherish, a way to foster good will and create lovely memories. It's a way to launch ourselves into the cold days of winter with the satisfying sense that our lives follow the cyclical pattern of the sun, moon, and rotation of our earth.

Adding personal components of religion and mythology can be satisfying for many people. I admit that when some of those people insist that those components are the one true way to do things, I am put off and put out. The most we may owe them is a perpetuation of some of the pagan decorating traditions that might have otherwise been forgotten if not for their co-opting by the Catholic Church. But the seasons are important to me personally. It's impossible to imagine living my life without taking joy in the astronomical phenomena that produce the seasons of varying warmth and light in their turn. I take comfort in the pattern, and would still do so if I lived somewhere that never got cold in winter, or if I lived in the southern hemisphere and watched the pattern played out in reverse. 

This is not the time to discuss biblical stories of creation, how the bible was put together by a fickle emperor and then later massaged into different forms by different religious leaders who used it for political agenda, or how those stories are parallels to stories told thousands of years earlier by fearful people who needed ways to explain astronomical, meteorological and geological conditions they did not yet understand, to explain the wonders and terrors of life and death, and to band together against groups with more powerful leaders than theirs. 

This is not the time for that because a lasting truth is that people like to believe in stuff bigger than they are, they like it to be mysteriously powerful, and they like to put a familiar human face on it. They like the notion of strength from vulnerability, and the little guy championing over the big guy. They like an eternal father figure, in some cases an eternal mother figure, and the symbolism of those figures is far more important to most people than concrete explanations for how the world actually works. Unexplainably wondrous and mysterious works by someone who's looking out for us are way more palatable to a lot of people than the still being uncovered scientific wonders of neutrons and amino acids. 

And people like to have parties. Coming up with an excuse for a party is harder for some people than others. For many of us, the opportunity to look forward to something shiny and fun is enough. Throw in the luxury of giving people gifts wrapped in pretty paper, and it's a big winner. No wonder Christmas is a continuing hit. For most people, the only slightly off-kilter aspect of it is the name, invented by people who could not appreciate a celebration unless it was attended (or better yet, replaced) by the solemnity of religious ritual. 

I enjoy thinking (heretically to many,) that we really are all celebrating the exact same thing, just with different faces on the various rituals we perform each year. 

If you believe a God with human characteristics set the Earth on its axial tilt, and later caused a young girl to give birth to his corporeal son as a reminder that no matter how much anyone's life sucks, he's still out there in ultimate control, and that all this is the true or only "reason for the season," I hope you have a really great one this year, and this song's for you.

If you just really dig having end of year fun, or like to groove on seasonal changes as I do, this song's for you.

Hey, first some good news, have you tried going to vox.com to check out recent comments and updates?  For well over a year it's barely loaded, but lately I'd say the page loads 90% of the time without having to reload.  Ok, maybe that's an overly optimistic percentage, but the success rate has far exceeded the failure rate.  I used to use the recent activity page to stay on top of comments but haven't really tried that in a while since all I ever got was a blank page.  While typing this I just tried it and it worked the first time!  Woah, folks, might Vox be making a comeback???  Is it possible to restore the greatness that was once our little community?

I went out in yesterday's butt-cold to have lunch with co-worker, S, who has been holding down the fort at the office.  I also made it up to a great little gift shop in Lake George I've wanted to go for a while.  Got some stuff for my former co-workers who I'm meeting tonight for our Christmas get together.  We used to meet monthly - and maintained it for five years after we stopped working together but since moving up North it's been harder for me to get together with them, and you know how these things eventually go.  We're such an oddball group.  There are only four of us...I'm in my 20's, and we have one each in her 30's, 40's and 50's.  It's funny how different we all are, but our shared history brought us together and we still have fun going out.  Sadly, D won't be with us, her partner's brother died this week and they have to drive to Chitown for the funeral.  Very sad.  :-(  Not only is it crappy because it's the holiday's, but D's birthday is also on the 25th and it's hard to get happy and celebrate those otherwise fun times when someone has passed away.

While I've got you down here in sad city, remember HJ?  He died on Monday.  So much for those six months, not that they would've been great anyway...there are some people who don't stick around for the suffering and more power to them...he's been through enough already.  Sister is going to the funeral this morning.  Keep her in your thoughts, it will be a tough day.

Enough of the sad talk, let's go for the stupid Val talk.  Why is it that I over-research the majority of purchases I make for myself and others, making sure it's the absolute perfect thing for me or the gift recipient, but occasionally I'll buy something with no thought whatsoever?  Like with certain Christmas gifts, I'll look everywhere online for that perfect something to give someone, make sure it has great product reviews and will be something really useful for the other person.  But then I'll go to Target for something that I need for myself and buy something because it's shiny, not because it works.  In all fairness, it's not like there are product reviewers hiding behind the shelves at Target to warn you that a product might suck and so you make the best decision you can based on what's on the box. 

I needed a new coffee grinder.  Normally I'd shop it on Amazon, but I had brand new beans from my Trader Joe's visit with Cranky and I *needed* that new grinder now.  I recently used up the last of what I had the coffeehouse grind for me and only had some pre-ground autodrip crap that doesn't work well in a press.  My old coffee grinder lasted me over 7 years and it was the crappy little proctor silex $13 thing.  The grinder button broke on it years ago but I could still make it work with a paperclip (because I'm MacGuyver).  So I went to Target yesterday and their cheapest grinders were all around $20.  They had a very fancy looking one on SALE for $20, and I thought, "gee, if it's fancier and on sale for the same price as the average ones I must be getting a good deal" - also it was shiny.  Of course, I came home to find that it had a 2 star rating on Amazon.  Out of 41 customer reviews 27 were one star.  Go fucking figure.  At least in the reviews, someone who is more MacGuyver-y than me has come up with a solution to make a more even grind using a business card...yes, a business card.  I had already ground my coffee this morning, and truthfully, it wasn't too bad.  If you're using a French press, you want a more coarse grind anyway, and apparently that is the one thing this grinder can sort of grind evenly...even during my first cup here I haven't noticed that sometimes grittiness that can come from French Press coffee, so that's a good sign.  We'll see how it holds up.  It sure looks pretty on the counter top if nothing else.

And an important aside, the TJ's Sumatra is excellent.

Who knew that Jimmy Fallon was funny?  I sure didn't, until I saw this:

Here's the last of disc one of Live at Leeds.  Track 11, Shakin' All Over, was loaded to the library a few days ago.  Make sure you set aside a bit of time, that My Generation track is over 15 minutes of Roger stuttering.  Ok, that's not true, there's a lot of cool Tommy-esq jamming.  Enjoy!

Have a good day, it's time for me to go get a Twin Peaks fix to go with my damn good coffee.

Outtakes from The Pig Plan...

Squirrelio makes Pig an offer he cannot refuse....